Relationship problems

Some things are unforgivable. A client arrived at my office one morning singing the song, "Ding Dong. The Witch is Dead," a song from the Wizard of Oz. She told me that her mother-in-law had died two weeks before and that she had attended the funeral. And then she smiled and said that the song … [Read more...] about You don’t have to forgive someone that harmed you

We know what others are feeling by looking directly into their eyes. Eyeball to eyeball, mirror neuron to mirror neuron, we experience the emotional state of another person when we look into their eyes. … [Read more...] about How we know what others are feeling: emotional autoregulation and coregulation

In my private practice as a psychologist, I have worked with as many male survivors of domestic violence as female survivors. I find it baffling, based on this experience, that the fact that men are sometimes battered by women is not in the media at all. … [Read more...] about Male survivors of domestic violence

Some of my clients that I work with in my private practice have difficultly forming healthy relationships. These difficulties are the result of how their parents interacted with them when they were young. It’s not their fault that they struggle, but it is their responsibility to fix the problem. … [Read more...] about Insecure attachment: How well were you parented as a child?

A number of the clients I see in my practice did not have good enough parents. Their parents fell short of meeting the mark. In the absence of having good enough parents, when no other adult steps in to help the child, the child suffers. This failure is common enough in our society.  … [Read more...] about Give yourself the comfort that you need

I often see evidence of trauma in the clients I work with. I will ask whether they experienced developmental trauma, meaning neglect and abuse during childhood. They will sometimes say no. This used to confuse me until I started asking whether their parents experienced trauma. This question … [Read more...] about Trauma your parents experienced invariably affects you

I often discuss the roles that people can assume in relationships with my clients. As we talk about a relationship, we will sometimes do an exercise that can help them to develop new insights. Today, my plan is to share that exercise with you.  … [Read more...] about Different roles people assume in relationships

I have heard a lot about adult birthday celebrations. Sometimes there are surprise parties. Sometimes there are gifts. Cake often figures into it. Today, I would like to write about how some people get celebrating someone else’s birthday absolutely right. And how some people get it wrong. … [Read more...] about How to celebrate adult birthdays

A woman I knew once told me that she couldn’t imagine being single. Her name was Mary Ellen. She was married to a great guy named Stephen who loved her and treated her well. They both had successful careers and had just bought a house together.   … [Read more...] about There are worse things than being single

I will sometimes meet a new client that is struggling to come to terms with the actions of a sociopath. The sociopath may be a member of their family -- a husband or a father, for example. While the sociopaths in the following stories happen to be male, please be aware they can also be female. The … [Read more...] about Relationships with sociopaths