With sufficient support, you can find your way through the toughest of times. When I was in graduate school to become a clinical psychologist, I had the privilege to be mentored by Mary Kay, an amazingly skilled social worker with her MSW (Master of Social Work). <<Details in the stories … [Read more...] about Grief can coexist with other emotions like anger and hurt
Emotional burnout: Does your relationship drain your energy?
Do you work long hours to avoid going home? I work with professionals in burnout as a psychologist in private practice. People typically think that burnout is caused by carrying a heavy workload, but they seldom stop to think about what drives people to work so hard. I work with clients whose … [Read more...] about Emotional burnout: Does your relationship drain your energy?
You don’t have to forgive someone that harmed you
Some things are unforgivable. A client arrived at my office one morning singing the song, "Ding Dong. The Witch is Dead," a song from the Wizard of Oz. She told me that her mother-in-law had died two weeks before and that she had attended the funeral. And then she smiled and said that the song … [Read more...] about You don’t have to forgive someone that harmed you
How we know what others are feeling: emotional autoregulation and coregulation
We know what others are feeling by looking directly into their eyes. Eyeball to eyeball, mirror neuron to mirror neuron, we experience the emotional state of another person when we look into their eyes. … [Read more...] about How we know what others are feeling: emotional autoregulation and coregulation
Male survivors of domestic violence
In my private practice as a psychologist, I have worked with as many male survivors of domestic violence as female survivors. I find it baffling, based on this experience, that the fact that men are sometimes battered by women is not in the media at all. … [Read more...] about Male survivors of domestic violence
Insecure attachment: How well were you parented as a child?
Some of my clients that I work with in my private practice have difficultly forming healthy relationships. These difficulties are the result of how their parents interacted with them when they were young. It’s not their fault that they struggle, but it is their responsibility to fix the problem. … [Read more...] about Insecure attachment: How well were you parented as a child?
Give yourself the comfort that you need
A number of the clients I see in my practice did not have good enough parents. Their parents fell short of meeting the mark. In the absence of having good enough parents, when no other adult steps in to help the child, the child suffers. This failure is common enough in our society. … [Read more...] about Give yourself the comfort that you need
Trauma your parents experienced invariably affects you
I often see evidence of trauma in the clients I work with. I will ask whether they experienced developmental trauma, meaning neglect and abuse during childhood. They will sometimes say no. This used to confuse me until I started asking whether their parents experienced trauma. This question … [Read more...] about Trauma your parents experienced invariably affects you
Different roles people assume in relationships
I often discuss the roles that people can assume in relationships with my clients. As we talk about a relationship, we will sometimes do an exercise that can help them to develop new insights. Today, my plan is to share that exercise with you. … [Read more...] about Different roles people assume in relationships
How to celebrate adult birthdays
I have heard a lot about adult birthday celebrations. Sometimes there are surprise parties. Sometimes there are gifts. Cake often figures into it. Today, I would like to write about how some people get celebrating someone else’s birthday absolutely right. And how some people get it wrong. … [Read more...] about How to celebrate adult birthdays