Feel calmer immediately using these simple techniques. People use several different words to describe feeling distressed. They might say they feel emotionally hijacked, or triggered, or activated. They might say they have a lot of energy, or juice, in their system. They might say they are … [Read more...] about Emotionally hijacked? Effective ways to manage distress
You don’t have to forgive someone that harmed you
Some things are unforgivable. A client arrived at my office one morning singing the song, "Ding Dong. The Witch is Dead," a song from the Wizard of Oz. She told me that her mother-in-law had died two weeks before and that she had attended the funeral. And then she smiled and said that the song … [Read more...] about You don’t have to forgive someone that harmed you
Attachment cry: When fight or flight have failed.
In attachment cry, you turn to the nearest human being and say, “See me! Hear me! Save me!” Many of the clients I work with as a psychologist have experienced developmental trauma, meaning neglect and abuse as children. In an earlier blog post, I wrote about Fight, flight, freeze or submit: Adult … [Read more...] about Attachment cry: When fight or flight have failed.
Feigned death: An alternative to fight, flight or freeze responses
In a recent blog post, I wrote about fight, flight or freeze. These are our body’s hard-wired responses to danger and operate outside of our conscious control. They are invaluable to have when we find ourselves facing a grizzly bear on a trail, as I did two summers ago while hiking in Waterton … [Read more...] about Feigned death: An alternative to fight, flight or freeze responses
Trauma: Emotional hijacking
I attended an excellent lecture recently. The speaker explained how we can become emotionally hijacked and “head over the waterfalls” to behave in historically patterned ways, without any volitional thought whatsoever. … [Read more...] about Trauma: Emotional hijacking
Dissociation: Some people lack emotional awareness
Some people are not aware of their emotions. They cannot tell you if they are happy or sad. They may be laughing or crying, which you would think would help them to identify what they are feeling. They may even be yelling, which you would think would let them know that they are angry. But they can’t … [Read more...] about Dissociation: Some people lack emotional awareness
Will you ever feel good enough?
People who have experienced developmental trauma (meaning abuse and neglect during childhood) frequently do not feel good enough. They believe they are not as good as everyone else. They believe they are damaged. Flawed. … [Read more...] about Will you ever feel good enough?
Adrenaline spikes in adults
A number of the adult clients that I work with in my private practice experienced developmental trauma (meaning neglect and abuse) as children. Adults who experienced developmental trauma have different areas of the brain light up during brain scans than adults who were safe from neglect and abuse … [Read more...] about Adrenaline spikes in adults
Anger and rage in adults
People who have experienced developmental trauma (meaning abuse and neglect as children) will usually say that they are quick to anger when I ask. They will say “Yes,” when I ask them whether they would describe their anger as rage. … [Read more...] about Anger and rage in adults
Controlling and inflexible adults
People who experienced developmental trauma, meaning abuse and neglect as children, frequently become adults that need a high degree of control over their environments. These adults can accurately be described as controlling and inflexible. Rigid is another word that can fit. … [Read more...] about Controlling and inflexible adults